January 26, 2010
“God…change THEM”
Have you ever asked God to change someone? Maybe a spouse, maybe a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, son, daughter? Well, I have…I thought my story may help others avoid hardship and get real change faster so I wanted to share some of it here.
About two years ago, I was in church, standing up, everyone was singing around me, and I was torn up inside because of a hard time in our marriage. Life was hard, it honestly sucked at times. I stopped singing closed my eyes and prayed “God change my marriage, change my wife” (as you will soon see, that was a very selfish prayer and it wasn’t my wife that needed the changing…it was me)…here is how the conversation went:
Me: God change my marriage, change my wife
God: Do you really want change? I mean…do you REALLY want change?
Me: Of course, we have real problems, I want real solutions, my marriage is hard, my life is hard, at times it sucks!
God: OK, then get up early in the morning and dedicate an hour everyday to Me
Me: That isn’t what I asked…change her, change our marriage…I’m not the problem
God: You are the problem, it’s your family, I’ve called you to lead and you are not leading. You want your wife to change, you want your marriage to change? Then you change first! If you want anything to change, give me an hour every day.
Now…I’m not perfect, I miss days and I feel it when I do (I suffer, my wife suffers, my son suffers when I don’t have my time with God), but I can tell you two years later that this has changed my life more than anything else ever has. God has taken this time and made it the most precious and productive time of the day for me! In my starting prayer I was focused on what I felt was being done to me, not what I was doing. God has since shown me the violent man that I am…I don’t mean physical violence here, but rather more emotional (specifically how critical I have been of my wife, son and others). He has been trying to get me to the point Romans 7:24 tells me I need to be at for Him to really work:
Romans 7:24 “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?“
Once God gets you to the point where you realize that there is no good in you that doesn’t already come from Him, and that you have nothing to offer this world that will last apart from what He does in your life. Then…especially then does He work miracles!
I’ve been amazed to see how my wife opens up and blossoms when she has a husband that starts to follow God and lets God change him. I’m so thankful for her own work and her growth in Christ as she is feeling more free and not weighed down by a critical and unforgiving husband. Praise God for His freedom in both our lives! We aren’t where He’s taking us, but we are on the move, or rather…He is on the move!
My encouragement to you if you want someone to change, or your life to change…start where you can, spend time with the God of the universe in prayer and His word, ask Him to show you were you need to change, chances are if it’s your marriage that is hard, you aren’t doing what God has called you to do as a spouse. If it’s a child that is hard…you aren’t doing what God has called you to do as a parent. Etc, etc, etc on down the list…it starts with you…
Bottom line: Don’t expect anything to change until you get in the Word and spend time with the God who can change not only you (which He tends to do first) but everyone else around you too. Have faith that if you change things will get better…now others have free will, and sometimes damage you or others have already done is lasting…but we serve a God who heals. Change what you can, yourself! Commit to that change, and make it lasting no matter what others do. Pray for others you have hurt and that have hurt you, my life is a testament that time with God makes all the difference in the world, not my power, not my cleverness…more accurately my death, and His will makes the difference!!
(JP)